Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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