girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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