i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
