everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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