I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
