You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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