She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
two words: eviction party
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
So squirting runs in the family.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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