I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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