You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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