White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Randomize
