can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
