I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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