just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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