is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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