Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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