I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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