Sober January is a disaster.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
