Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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