My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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