another moral hangover. fuck.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
