What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
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