i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
