Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Randomize
