apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
