im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
