Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
you inspire me to be a worse person
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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