I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
