In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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