I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
