did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
