he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
