so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
