Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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