Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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