There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
