From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
