I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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