worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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