all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
