please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
