I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
