I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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