Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
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