I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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