Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
