when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
All the doctor said was why
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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