I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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