...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
