Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Randomize
