we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
