i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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