Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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