why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
