that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
