Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
