i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
