we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
