Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
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