sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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