im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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