I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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