I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
