why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
