i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
