o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
