i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
