lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Drunk is a universal language darling
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
