I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
His hands were made for my vagina.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Randomize
