and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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