best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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